new song im workin on

I don't have the energy,
To be the type of mom you need.
Relient on the mercy/truth and grace
Of God to get me threw my days

*The little things*

Today I'm sitting in bed feeling my Rachel do her gymnastics in my tummy and thinking how blessed I am to have made it to 25 weeks tomorrow. How cool is that. 25 weeks! I am excited. I have the urg to start buying all that we need.. The newborn and 0-3 months long sleeve onesies are calling my names with the little matching pants. The maryjane socks for her tiny little feet. I have finally given up on owning lots of those little smocked dresses. And ofcourse I am still dreaming of the amazing diapers I want for my girl. Trying to convince a man who HATES cloth diapers that I need/want a few $20-25 diapers is not happening. Last night I showed them to him and his words were.. "we'renot rich. We can't afford $25 diapers. That's ridiculous. You have to have limits." I cried. Not because I wanted the diapers so much...tho I do. But because I made him feel like he couldn't give me something I wanted. I'm not a jewelry girl. Or a vacation lover. I don't like to spend money on many things. But diapers...are my hobby. I LOVEcloth diapering my babies. In particular I love pinning prefolds on my babies. No cover...just change them as soon as they pee alittle. It's fun to me. I feel like a good mama and I enjoy it. However...having 3 very mobile kids is going to make my pinning obsession alittle less doable.. so I want some fitteds. I know they are obscenely expensive.. but I think why can't we buy one a month and by the time she's here i'll have 4. He says think of all the disposables that we can buy with $25. I even tried to get them as my birthday and Christmas present. It isn't happening. WHile I knew my original goal of getting 8-12 would NEVER happen... I was hoping he'd let me get a few. I could settle forprefoldfitteds....I joke about wanting to have a diaper partybut everything I want is so particular that it isn't even an option anymore and Joey told me yet again he doesn't want me to have a baby shower. Which is fine... but we have no clothes for the girl. SO we have to start gathering them up when I hit 36 weeks or so. I really want to get atleast some newborn covers. And I'm sure I will continue to lust after the sustainablebabyish multi fitteds , and sustainablebabyish organic cotton/bamboo flannel and overnight diapers with snaps. I wish he loved cloth diapering as much as I do. The only character in another man that isn't my husband that I ever desire even the slightest is when I watch my cloth diapering mama friends. ALL of their husbands enjoy that they cloth diaper and it seems they are all loud to diaper them anyway they want. I wish Joey were that way sometimes. Then I think about the things my joey is that those men aren't and I think... I'll stick with my joey. Love that man. Still not talking on the phone much...so I have been dying to write again. To bad I have nothing worth while to say. Going to library time in a bit for some fun! The babies love library time. I have been sooo busy around here. Cooking and cleaning AND schooling and potty training. We might hit up a park afterwards if the kids are good and it isn't to hot. I love spending the days with my bABies! So grateful my husband lets me stay home... even if it does mean I have to sacrifice my super soft fitted diapers! : ) What a blessing it is to never miss a smile or laugh. To get to teach them everything they know. To get to read the bible together everyday. Oh yeah one thing I'm sucking at these daays....doing my birth verses. SUper sad about that. I guess it probably wont happen again. : ( I so wanted a birth where joey and I were reflecting upon the same passages.But as he always says...we have our whole lives! : )

*Busy days!* homeschooling the babies!

Two posts in one day... can you tell I'm totally chatty with absolutely no one to talk to. haha! It's a busy time in the White house actually. We have our three babies, a very picky little one still in the womb, 6 ducks and 3 geese, and our home. Our days have grown to be so very busy but so filled with joy! I have started preschool with my Rebekah and my Moses. Reading with my Rebekah. Nothing else to serious. We do a story out of our Jesus storybook bible. Followed by catechism time and memory verses with a hymn. Then we read books for at least an hour. We do lots of worksheets. Moses did 17 front and back the week before last. He's working on tracing. Rebekah does kumon tracing, numbers, and letters. They are both getting used to seeing and tracing their names to. It's been awesome. I don't really have big aspirations for them right now. We are going to start get set for school with moses. Handwriting without tears with Rebekah. Five in a row with both. In October I believe.. I have lots of fun crafts planned for the fall. Carving pumpkins, making pies. Handmade ornaments and ofcourse nativity ornaments. The jesse tree will be done again. Getting excited. I want to visit and apple orchard, pumpkin farm, pecan farm, and  a regular farm. Make apple butter, pumpkin butter, peach butter, pies, and breads...and read books on all of it. Also I'd like to go back to abacs gricultural museum place. And to the Florida one. I hope we make it back to the mountains in Tennessee this spring so we can see cades cove. Rachel will make her debut in January to. Lots of trips to florida states parks..and the zoo..  I wanted to ease in to it... and we have.  And we want to start little house on the prairie with them as soon as we can  They have a paper dolls, crafts, and cook book that goes with that series and little kid books for rahabs age that she would enjoy at the same time. I want to take them through the whole bible starting in Genesis and memorizing cool verses as we go... but that's a big task for me to take on so I think I'm going to let joey head that up at night. We are learning to knit. ANd I have aspirations to add in puppet time, music and dancing time, outdoor explorations and harp time. I wish I could get Rebekah a Suzuki violin because I want her to learn to play sooo bad and she can with the Suzuki method. Unfortunately I can't find any teachers to teach them around here. They are in a tumbling class and we do library time once a week. It's a work in progress and we are not at all doing the method I would really like to do but I had to begin at some point and so we began. It's my goal to have Rebekah reading by the end of the year and writing all her letters and number 1-120. We will see. I really would like to do all our school on the trail learning threw nature. I would like to have a big garden, milk goats, meat rabbits, bees, silkie chickens, and a micro pig(for my Rebekah).Lots of different types of birds we hatch from, flower beds...and set the yard up as a farming classroom with each kid having 3- 4x4 rised bed gardens to tend to. Doing crafts like spinning yarn, knitting and crochet, quilting,sewing, pottery, candle making, wood working, needle felting, painting. Joey always tells me we don't have to do everything at one time. So that's why I had to just start where I could...and since I am pregnant and I can't take the heAt- gardening has to wait till the spring. WE'll hatch chicks then to. Do butterflys. All the cool kids projects like ant farms.... but for now we are doing lots of reading.   My Rahab has begun potty training. We also do about 8 puzzles together and read some books together...she reads with all of us on my lap...but she also has a set aside time for reading with mommy. She colors and plays with play dough. It's been very fun. I have taken to cooking a ho meal at every meal time becaue Rachel is so picky. She hates gluton/wheat, sugar and substitutes, starch, red meat. She does seem to be easing up but I am enjoying the food...and the kids are enjoying cooking with me so we are keeping that up and we clean on the house together everyday which they enjoy a great deal. Moses has the chore of feeding the ducks with mommy! Life is busy. In my spare time I am busy knitting up hats and blankets and diaper covers for my Rachel. I wish I was working on memorizing all the scripture I want to memorize. Making photo albums of my babies, crfating in the 100 crafts i'd like to do...( like making wood peg people, carving food for rebekahs kitchen, hand quilting, sewing felt puppets and dresses for the girls.) WWriting in my journals.... but everything can wait till tomorrow. Right now my dAYS are a little to full. I don't even get to talk with my friends much at this point because everyday is packed! My Joey seems to like all the progress I'm making though. That makes me sooo very happy! : ) I have been thinking about just the animals I'd like to add to the classroom and it makes me laugh...frogs, hermit crabs, mice, snake, different lizarsds, turtle, meal worms, ant farm, chameleon, fish, guinea pigs, hedgehog. I have so many ambitious plans for them with school... but it can get way to expensive and out of hand if I don't watch out. I know it's not vital for them to learn how to forage for food, and fish. To milk a cow or goat and make cheese and butter. But I want it for them sooo very bad. It's not important to learn to plow a field with  tractor and a horse. I want them to learn to ride a horse and donkey. To be able to pull a cart with both as well. But I want them to do it. I want them to fix cars and tractors up to. I hope we will be able to do 4h next year. Joey doesn't want to...but I told him I waited my whole life to get to do 4h...we're doing it. These are my silly goals. I really want them to memorize most of the bible, learn greek and Spanish, graduate with A bachelors degree at the time they would be graduating from highschool. ALl have hearts to adopt. Oh I can't even let myself begin talking about adoption. There are soo many children that need homes and I would love to adopt a sibling group! My boys. There rae two boys I've had my eyes on for 2 or 3 years now with microcephaly and cerebral palsy that I wish beyond all things I could have. They are so cute! Joey and I love special needs people and children and we hope to instill that in our children. : ) Oh homeschool. We are very busy with you right now. I should add the kids want a puppy and a cat. : )

*Rachel Zipporah White*

We are at a point in this pregnancy I didn't think we would ever come to! The 23rd. week. Most people probably think everyone gets to have a 23rd. week...what's the big deal?? But to me it's A BIG deal. I've lost two babies at the 6-7 week range and we were certain we were going to lose our little Zipporah so it's really cool that she has survived and is thriving! I've even found myself preparing for labor within the last week. We have started the birth passage memory... Romans 5-10. And I have started gathering important verses dealing with childbirth. I have begun my research on kangaroo care and all of the awesome advantages for the newborn. My something new I want to try this time is I am going to do the breast crawl. Basically I will pull her out myself and place her on my chest and she will crawl to my breast to nurse on her own...that will be followed by constant kangaroo care as much as possible in the first 24-48 hours and continued threw out the first 8-12 weeks. Very exciting. I have found some awesome carrier shirts. Researched the newborn diapers I want. Prefolds again.. haha( but this time xs in bamboo) with newborn covers from nicki's diapers in emerald green and raspberry pink. I wish we could get some fitted prefold for newborns...but joey is not on board so getting the newborn covers is going to be a LONG stretch for me. It's all very exciting tho. I have been talking with joey about my desire not to bathe the baby. I will give her a bath with me when we get home in the tub...after a week or so... there's so many good things in the amniotic fluid  to protect from germs so there really is no need. He is on board with that. And we've been talking about my desire to have the baby skin to skin 24/7 for the first couple days... which will mean while I nap in the hospital he will be holding her. We never have lots of visitors so it's not like it's a big deal. Honestly, I don't want to pass my baby around anyway. This time I'm not going to. The best place for her is on me and that's where she's going to be. I'm very excited though. All the way around. Another new thing for this birth... Joey is always 100% against having anyone in the birth room except for him. He let me with Rebekah and hated it... so with Moses and Rahab we did it alone. It was wonderful... BUT this time he is going to let me have a doula. I needed a woman that knew a lot about birth and and breastfeeding, that I loved and felt comfortable with who would be willing to be there and help me calm down. My sister couldn't this time because she will be very pregnant herself. A lady from my church who is also a lactation consultant said she would be there. Isn't it awesome how God blesses us with what we need??!! It is going to be awesome no matter how she arrives or how things are done. I'm just so excited!!! We literally only have one detail to resolve before she's born... besides the very few items I want and the basic necessities in clothes she will need.... That is... I have NO CLUE what we are going to do with our sweet babies while I'm in the hospital. I'm pretty sure they will go stay with my Aunt Benda. They can't go to my sisters... she will be to pregnant. Can't go to my mom and dads... my brother lives there and my nannie is a lot on them. So that leaves no one. Because Mrs. Rosa moved to Oklahoma. Have been thinking about this for 8 weeks without one viable option. I know it will all fall together but still. Stressful to think about. I have got everything else planned out...but that one thing is a stumper. I wish joey would just stay with them... but he loves to get to spend those first hours with me and the baby. It's very sweet. I am thinking of looking into a babysitter that can come stay at the house with them when I'm in labor and the day I'm in the hospital. I also am still debating whether Rebekah should be at the hospital. I think she would enjoy it. She will be nearly 5 when Rachel is born. So I am in favor of having her there with me. But whether or not she would get bored is the real sticker. I'm thinking if I do most of my labor at home... then she will be fine to come with us. But it's up to joey.  We will see I suppose. : )Either way it will just be Me, Joey, Mrs. Kym and Rebekah. Plans plans plans. I love to write about birth plans. I love to joke about having my sister-in-law Catie catch the baby. I always wanted someone I loved who would love the baby a whole lot to catch the baby. I just think the baby and that person would share a special relationship/ But it just seems weird letting Catie catch a baby before bri bri. As Bri is the closest to my babies in the whole family. But Bri will be soo pregnant that she can't be there. So all in all I have given up on that idea this time around. I still want to have atleast another 4 kids so as Joey always says...there's plenty of time for all your crazy plans. You don't have to do them all at the same time. You have your whole life!